just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
