Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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