So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
