He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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