I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
