Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
