Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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