In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
