I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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