Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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