I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
