Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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