i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
