Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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