You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
