YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
