Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
