note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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