I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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