I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
