Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
