You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
