have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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