just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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