Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
