if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
