peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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