It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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