Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
