she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
