My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I believe in your delicious
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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