P.S. I can't hear my feet
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
