I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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