I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
