does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
