We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
