There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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