It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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