Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
