I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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