Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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