quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
