you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
