11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
