her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
