she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
