i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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