matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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