I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
