I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I party with great urgency now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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