then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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