like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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