u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
