It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just high enough for therapy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
