i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Actions speak louder than pants.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
