dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My vagina just clenched in fear
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
