I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
