So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Pooping to opera.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
