I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
