I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
