I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
