the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh god it's open bar.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
