Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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