3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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