I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
