I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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