the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
