Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
