I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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