Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
