I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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